The State Is Healthy (Obviously)

But first, a little pre-game show.

Could somebody explain why the media has decided that Dean is insane? I've seen the footage of his supposed crazy-talking speech after the results came in last night, and I can't see it. Sure, he's animated, and yes, he's trying to work his crowd of supporters, who probably need a little pep talk after coming third, but I can't quite see the insane part. Hell, John Major has given livelier speeches.

So, as last year's entry was such a success, I'm watching the State of The Union address again. Apparently, the President is going to show that he's above they fray of partisan politics tonight, before he goes on a $200m spending spree to crush all opposition.

Ah? I'm sure it was on at 8pm last year. This could mean that I can turn Fox News off. It's the only news channel that is a direct feed from the US, but it makes me want to hurl heavy, blunt objects at the screen. "Hi! I'm Trent Lott! Vote Strom!" So I think I'll switch over to the BBC. No, I'm sorry, Lott has just criticised Edwards for not having enough qualifications for the Presidency, "especially in foreign policy decisions". I'm willing to bet that he's left the country once or twice, which I don't the current President did before he entered office…

Go Georgie! We're gonna party like it's your birthday (I'm so, so sorry)!

Dick! Dick Cheney! Not a fake! Not a hoax! Out from his secret location for One Night Only! Call 555-DIXXX for further details!

That was scary shot. Why does Donald Rumsfeld always look evil? He seems to have this look about him - that he'd prefer to be off somewhere firing missiles at something.

It's the smirk. More than anything, the smirk has to go.

We'll start with a bit of Army back-slapping then. Okay, fair enough. "Hi, I'm Tom Ridge!"

Interesting statistic: 88% of Americans will save less than $100 thanks to the 2006 tax cuts.

Um, when did anybody think that terrorists weren't plotting against America? Did you guys not read the memo that the previous Administration?

1st mention of September 11th. There should be a drinking game to go along with this.

Rah! The PATRIOT is cool! Really! Judges can't turn down our search warrants! The law-enforcement agencies are already abusing it! Hurrah.

Okay, that was funny. "Key provisions of the Act are set to expire next year" — Clapping from the Democrat side of the house, stopping him in his tracks...

2nd mention!

Ah, "could supply them with nuclear, chemical or biological weapons" — so is there a burden of proof required?

Look! Women have rights in Afghanistan! We won't talk about what the Iraqi National Council is doing to women's rights, will we?

They may not have running water, but the people of Iraq are free. Successes in Iraq follow. Fair enough, I suppose.

That's not true. Iraq had laws. Saddam was sovereign, yes, but there were plenty of laws to go around. Ms. Rice looks very annoyed for some reason.

Oh, now that was classy. Bringing the head of the INC over. Nice. (no sarcasm here, either. A good gesture)

"Do as we say or we'll kick your ass!"

But, we'll tread carefully with North Korea, as they can actually do some damage.

3rd mention! (obliquely, anyway)

Oooh. Let's talk about why we're never going to give the people in Cuba a fair trial, shall we?

So, we're actually using the Kay Report, are we? Lots of Democrat shaking heads now. Yes, it's great that Saddam is gone. Most of us will not argue the point that the world is better off without him in power. THAT WAS NEVER THE POINT. AND NAMING A FEW COUNTRIES THAT HAVE JOINED IN DOESN'T DEFLECT THAT YOU BYPASSED THE UN.

Please. Please vote him out. Or at least make him get onto the domestic front.

A good point made, though, that the Middle East can operate with democracy. Although people might point out that the last time the Arabic countries did so, America and Russia used their influence to install dictatorships, but that's probably a little harsh…

The economy rocks! Umm, that's a bit of an exaggeration, I think. And now we're reeling off some good things about the economy. As you'd expect, really.

America's economy is a changing one. No Child Left Behind! Except that most of the funding has to come from the States, which are close to bankruptcy at the moment. I also note that he didn't give any specifics there.

GENIUS! The camera settles on a Senator, who's clapping. He suddenly realises he's on-screen, and jumps up.

1,000 new jobs in December!

Another "expire" clapping round. Is it my imagination, or have the Democrats decided to wake up this year?

Hear that SCO? He's talking about YOU.

There now follows some gibberish about Social Security.

We can cut the deficit in half over the next five years! Of course, it'll still be greater than we you entered, but I suppose a start is better than nothing.

"Don't ask, don't tell" comes to immigration!

Once again, why don't you guys have a universal health system?

That guy's asleep!

The War On Drugs! Forgive me if I'm skeptical. Having finished The Corner, I really don't think this War can ever be won.

*bashes head on table* Abstinence programmes don't work. Oh God, he's not really going to do it, is he? Well, he never said "yes, I will go for an amendment", but he's made it clear he wants one. Grrr.

The post-prison plan sounds interesting and useful. I'm not sure how far $300m will go, but it's better than nothing (actually, it's less than $10 per released prisoner).

Cheapskate didn't send her letter! Couldn't be bothered to find a stamp to send the little girl's message to the troops. I'm shocked 8-).

winding up now. In a move that's sure to please some of you, I think I'll head off to bed now; if you made it this far, I salute you.

currently playing: Club 8 — Between Waking and Sleeping