PC Load Letter?

Just give me five minutes alone with it. Just me and a baseball bat. Then I’ll get my printing done.

I'm convinced that printer manufactures are accomplished sadists; there's no other explanation for the way that printers refuse to work in times where a five-year-old could probably install Linux on her computer if she so desired. Even Microsoft has worked out how to build a half-decent operating system, after twenty years of inflicting pain on us all. We should be living in a paper utopia.

Instead, we have inkjet printers that have cartridges that cost more than the printers themselves, awkward paper trays that love to munch on 90gsm sheets, and the infamous "PC Load Letter" message. A pox on HP, Epson, and their ilk.

Yes, I tried to print something today. A script, which I'm sending off to the BBC. I send it off to the printer, and then go and have a shower. I come back to find that while the first three pages have come out okay, the type fades out on the subsequent pages, eventually turning into blank sheets of paper. "Hmm," I say, "Another printer problem. No worries, I'll have this sorted in a jiffy, and still have time for a brisk walk in the lower fields." But no. Cleaning the cartridge, switching to a different type of paper, and even taking a look at the PDF file itself; nothing seems to have any effect. The first three pages are fine, but everything after that fades away. I consider spending the rest of the day ripping the PDF file apart on my Linux box to see exactly where the problem is buried (as it looks fine on my Mac, and in Postscript form). I come to my senses, and fix the problem by the laughable solution of printing the script three pages at a time. Luckily, the script it only thirty pages long, but it's still rather annoying. Of course, there's still the chance that when I come to print something else out, I'll have the same problem, but I imagine the printer gremlins will give me something else to fret about when that happens. I'm half-convinced that it's payback for the surprise of getting the printer to print double-sided on card earlier in the week…

currently playing: Cotton Mather - Homefront Cameo