Confessions of a Failed Shopper

Jan 31, 2003 · 2 minute read

I am hopeless when it comes to clothes shopping. There are many reasons for this, including a hesitation to spend what seems like an extortionate amount of money for a piece of fabric, a general lack of dress sense, and logos.

I justify the logo problem by pointing out that I've already given the money for the item; I'm not required to become a walking advertising hoarding for them. Truthfully though, it's more of a desire to prevent everyone from calling me a hypocrite. I've read No Logo, abhor the trading practices that go on in the Free Trade Areas and so on, but I still buy my clothes from the evil multinational corporations. Not until they're on sale, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty. As you can see, I can manage to make something as simple as buying a new pair of trousers a stressful experience.

Anyway, today (after spending some time in Durham) I decided that I probably needed a pair of trousers that weren't jeans, so I trundled around the clothes shops, looking for something reasonable. Things that struck me on this journey:

• Being able to identify Sixpence None The Richer's "Kiss Me" from three notes being played on pan pipes is incredibly sad.
• It's a good thing Dad stopped fixing TVs. I don't know how he'd react to a combination TV/VCR/DVD.
• Are you sure that Vintage Wash isn't just a euphemism for "The Chinese workers wanted an extra 2c/hour to iron these"?
• The mall seems to play nothing but an 80s compilation on a loop. It's an interesting way of highlighting how the UK and US treat music differently; you'd be hard pressed to find a UK compilation that plays The Clash's "Train In Vain" and follows it with Swing Out Sister's "Breakout". I'm not complaining — I just found it a little odd.

Eventually, JC Penney comes to my rescue, and I find a pair of trousers. I then spend five or so minutes hunting through them to get something that'll actually fit me. I can't see myself growing into a 52in waist, for example. Yet. Success! And no logo to speak of, so I can hide in public.

The current poster for Finding Nemo is fantastic. There isn't enough footnote-related comedy in the movie poster industry, in my opinion*.

*Footnotes are great**

**Especially nested ones***

***Yes, I read YS when I was little. Why do you ask?