After a weekend when it seemed that common sense had broken out in the White House, it seems the War on Nouns can in fact be won. At least that's what Bush is saying today (warning: links to Rush Limbaugh and shady logic). Oh, and hurrah for saving companies some money!. Who likes birds anyway?

I'm starting later tonight, because yesterday was rather boring until 9pm.

Elizabeth Dole! YOU SENT ME LEAFLETS! Oh, an attack on Clinton. How original. Really. "Hi! I'm Bob Dole! I attack decorated Veterans for fun and games!"

"What we believe has never wavered." 3/5ths of a natural person! You know it makes sense. Ah, now gay marriage, abortion, and religion. All the hot buttons. I'm impressed. Is this live on the networks, or are they not coming on until Arnie turns up? "ACTIVIST JUDGES ARE KILLING BABIES AND SPITTING ON THE FLAG!". And I think you'll find that we split the atom first, ma'am.

Oh, George Soros was not pleased with Mr. Hastert's drug claims (especially since he's going around the convention repeating them to all who ask), so he's written a letter asking the Speaker to substantiate his claims or shut the hell up.

And now George P. Bush. It is scary just how much the Bush clan is beginning to become the GOP's answer to the Kennedys. Apart from public speaking. Hmm, I wonder what the Ally McBeal episode is tonight? "I will not stand to be disparaged!"

Okay, back. And there's been some singing. Miss America 2003! Bigging up Faith-based initiatives!

And yet more singing.

It's 9pm, and the thing begins to start in earnest, I expect. Sen. Bill Frist. I'm going to guess and say tort reform. Oh, no, prescription drugs. Once again, it's really quiet. I suppose Madison Square Garden is much bigger than the Fleet Center in Boston. Now, it sounds like a wonderful idea — having an account where you can save money tax-free to pay for healthcare. But no-one expects to get sick. And you can't know what you're going to become sick with. So it doesn't seem like a good idea to me. But then I live in a country with universal healthcare, so what do I know?

TORT REFORM! Oh yes, I rule. Okay, it was obvious, but hey, I take victory where I can. Bonus points if he can work in John Edwards into the tirade. 50 BONUS POINTS! And stem cell research to finish. Er, isn't Mr. Bush going to the UN to request the banning of therapeutic cloning? Oh, yes, I think he is. "This President will not use your tax dollars to destroy human life…[fill in your own punchline]".

I'm going to have to stop listening to the music bits. I know that they have as much right as anybody else to use them, but it's just SO WRONG.

whoooooooosh....Barack Obama joke flies, and dies horribly on the rafters. We really need Al Sharpton here. And now! For a run through of John Kerry's voting record, including the Defence of Marriage Act.

And now! A surfer sings!

ARNIE! "Don't misunderstand me, I love Austria…but…" and his love of Nixon. Well, hurrah. Dude, you became a Republican on the back of Nixon? That's harsh. HAHAHAHA "It doesn't make any difference who your parents are." Tell that to legacy students, hmm? Oh, and the Soviet thing is interesting - I mean, given that they'd just spent the past eight or so years under Nazi rule and propaganda, well – Oh I really despair. "Econominc girly-men." Is that the best that the Governor of California can do? One America! Three jobs to earn a living! Stand behind your decisions, even if they're revealed to be completely wrong later on! Never apologise! Never show weakness! Stand fast!

"We fight AIDS in Africa." Yes. While lining the pockets of drug companies — WTF? WTF? WTF? "When that lone man stood in front of the tank in Tianaman Square, America stood with him" So, I wonder. How's that guy doing right now? Yes, that's why they're hosting the next Olympics. It's not as if their human rights record has improved. And your use if Nelson Mandela would have been so much better if the Vice-President hadn't been a tacit supporter of apartheid.

Oh God. The Bush twins. Just. No. It's a comedy routine from Hell itself. And I think I'll skip Laura Bush. Although the hamster gag was okay. Hey! John Kerry namechecked "Hey Ya" first, bandwagon-jumpers!