A Possible Meeting At Pepsi Headquarters

Pepsi-Ice-Cucumber.jpg

(a skyscraper office somewhere in Purchase, New York)

SUIT 1: Morning, everybody. Where's Rick?

(Rick comes in, drinking from a Pepsi Max bottle)

SUIT 1: Rick, take a seat. We're going to need you today.

SUIT 2: As you know, Coca-Cola has been upping their game recently.

(SUIT 1 presses a button on his laptop and a bottle of Coke Blãk appears on the whiteboard)

SUIT 2: Took us totally by surprise. Coke mixed with Coffee! And what did we have in response?

RICK (sighing): Pepsi Twist.

SUIT 2: Exactly. Pepsi Fucking Twist. We didn't stand a chance.

SUIT 1: We need ideas. The next level. The new 'it'.

SUIT 3: Why don't we bring back Pepsi Blue?

(SUIT 1, SUIT 2, and RICK stare at SUIT 3)

(SUIT 3 stands up and walks out of the open window)

SUIT 2: Still, perhaps we need a new color.

RICK: Yellow? Done. Red? Done. Black…Done. Green?

SUIT 1: Green?

SUIT 2: Yeah, Pepsi: Green. With a hard colon. That's the stuff.

RICK: It needs something more. An edge. Something unique.

SUIT 1: Apple-flavoured Pepsi?

SUIT 2: No, no, it needs to be something that no-one would expect.

RICK: But it still has to say Pepsi: Green.

SUIT 2: Hard colon.

RICK: So hard it beats up all the other colons and turns them into full stops.

SUIT 1: What?

RICK: I mean periods.

SUIT 1: Ah.

SUIT 2: Something green. Something new...

RICK: Cucumber.

(SUIT 1 and SUIT 2 look at Rick, mouths hanging open)

SUIT 1: That's insane!

SUIT 2: How could that possibly work?

(SUIT 1 and SUIT 2 exchange a look)

SUIT 1: That's it!

SUIT 2: It makes Coke Blãk seem boring!

RICK: Pepsi Ice Cucumber. Clear bottle. Shards of glass on the label. Cool. Edgy.

SUIT 1: We're gonna sell a million!

SUIT 2: Rick, you've done it again.

(Rick gets up)

RICK: All in a day's work. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Andrex to pitch toffee-flavoured toilet paper…

currently playing: Björk – Declare Independence