I said maybe!

Firstly, apropos of nothing, an article on Oasis by Paul Morley. I can’t say that I agree with all of it, but it’s amusing in places.

So, exit polls are suggesting that the Tories are going to do better than expecting, getting 209 seats in the new Parliament. Which should keep Howard in a job. Boo.

Dr. Liam Fox! Most punchable member of Parliament! Natalie Imbruglia? Good grief!

Despite everything, I still can't stand the sight of gleeful Tories…grrr…

A point where I get to wear my political hat once more - will this bring the West Lothian Question back into play?

Peter Snow has his toys out! He's playing Command & Conquer with Parilament. AWESOME.

Hmm. A couple of fairly safe Labour seats look to be wobbly. Dartford and one in Birmingham. GO SUNDERLAND! FASTEST COUNTERS IN THE WEST!

And the first result isssss…Sunderland South…Labour win with 17,982…which supposedly means that the exit polls are in fact too high…

Never let it be said that the BBC do dumb things with their money - they're painting a huge election picture in Gateshead! Eschewing all that CGI nonsense…they're going to paint a map. GENIUS.

Aww, it's Lizo from Newsround! He's all grown up!

Special attention must be lavished on Peter Snow's orange shirt. Simply wonderful!

BBC Election Party! Shoot Jon Culshaw. Please. Jeremy Paxman still with the withering sarcastic putdown.

Tap-tap-tap. Boring bit of election night, waiting for things to actually happen…but Ian Hislop is always entertaining.

Meanwhile, the Scottish correspondent is telling us that she knows very little. But is stretching it. A lot. And now it's the turn of the Welsh…

Sunderland North! Labour with 15,719. Change of 5% to Con. Eeek. 7% is into Hung Parliament areas…

7th safest Labour seat coming up - Houghton & Washington East. Again Labour vote falls, but still hold. Does it strike anybody as weird that Tony Blair might tonight become the most successful Labour leader ever, and yet still be branded as a failure?

Aww, Boris. So amusing. Amazingly, he manages to concede defeat in his first few sentences! And there's going to be a fight there if they're not careful!

Now looking at the Liberal Democrats' 'Decapitation Strategy'. It would be so funny if they managed to pull off some of these strikes (including David Davis, Oliver Letwin, and even Michael Howard himself).

Another Labour Hold, this time in Scotland. Swing of 4% to Lib Dem. The Lib Dems are looking to be doing quite well indeed…

"Steady on! It's Ken Clarke!"

Ooh, Kilroy-Silk will hopefully be smacked down hard…

Did David Dimbleby just say "ding-dong"?

KILL JON CULSHAW. WITH PILEDRIVERS.

And I'm going to be very annoyed at Galloway's victory. Yes, let's vote in a guy who visited Saddam Hussein, praised him, and flattered him. Piece of worthless scum…

Barnsley: Lab hold - swing of 4% to Conservative…Hull West & Hessle another Labour hold, 5% swing to Lib Dem. Although I don't think the swing really counts until we get into marginal seats really, and everything is a little topsy-turvy at the moment

Conservatives win Putney - gain from Labour. Swing of 6%. Uh oh.

Labour is going to get a big kicking…

Brown gets in, "we will listen and learn" And Jack Straw is back too...

Um, what if Tony Blair's threat about the Lib Dems was…actually right? Although they seem to be having a few problems.

The theme for tonight: NOBODY HAS A CLUE.

David Dimbleby has been on the rum. I think the election coverage would be much improved if all the pundits were drinking along with the results…another Lib Dem gain from Labour.

Peter Snow is going out on a limb! LD 59, C 201, L 357. Labour majority of 68. More Labour seats fall to the Lib Dems.

The first of the main LD strikes against the Tory leadership fails as Teresa May is re-elected.

Leader of BNP got 9% of vote…Labour's 5th safest seat falls to an independent. Nye Bevin's old seat, no less.

Perhaps it's the old Thatcher heartlands returning home. Seats are coming in thick and fast, but it's looking likely for a Labour majority slashed in half. Which is probably a good thing.

Sedgefield: Mr. Tony Blair, rather downcast, is re-elected. The Tories continue to pick off London seats…Blair looks old, tired, and grey. The greatest Labour leader in history. Battered and broken. The Lib Dems are overturning quite large Labour majorities, but aren't having any real success against the Tories. For instance - Manchester Withington - the Dems overturned a 33% Labour majority!

Iain Duncan-Smith: "We've made a start on returning" - nice one, maybe you'll be back in power in 2020. Plus a fantastic endorsement of Michael Howard - "I don't mind who's leader"

Looks like Galloway has won. *shoots self* Yes: THIS MAN:

is going to be a Member of Parliament. GRR.

Lib Dems strike out again - David Davis is re-elected. Stephen Twigg loses the old Portillo seat back to the Tories.

Labour needs 71 seats for a majority right now. The South-East is turning Blue again. However, it looks like the Tories are still not welcome in Scotland. And we're only blessed with one member of the Johnson family in Parliament, thank goodness, as Boris's dad fails in his election bid.

A 49% swing in Blaenau Gwent…wow. Don't annoy the Welsh.

So, does this mean that the Labour rebels are now rubbing their hands together? They're now strong enough to defeat the Government over ID Cards and Terrorism laws.

Charles Kennedy is back, baby! Letwin holds Dorset. Yes, Oliver, because the Government is going to have a majority of roughly 70, and has to worry about its own, rather than you lot across the floor. That's a stunning victory for the Tories.

Oh, is that a Scottish seat for the Tories? 25 seats to go.

Oooh, Erewash is about to declare. The Church of Militant Elvis Party! AWESOME! Robert Kilroy-Silk - 2,957 votes. Only just saving his deposit. Faith in Britain is partially restored. May he now disappear down a sewer…

Right, it looks like Folkestone is about to declare for Michael Howard, so it looks like he'll be staying. And I'll be going to bed, 14 short of a Labour majority, but another Labour Government guaranteed…

currently playing: Election 2005