Education In Texas!

Mar 3, 2005 · 3 minute read

I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s a good thing that children in Iraq are no longer taught from textbooks that proclaim Saddam is a great leader. Meanwhile, in that great state of Texas, a new health textbook has been approved for the eastern part of the state. Shall we look at some of the changes between the old edition and the new edition? Why, yes, let’s.

The sex hormones your body produces may make you interested in romantic relationships with others. Friendships and dating relationships help you prepare for adult relationships.

Seems reasonable enough. But no! It needed to be corrected!

The sex hormones your body produces may make you interested in romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Friendships and dating relationships help you prepare for stable marital commitment.

*bangs head on the table*. But wait, it gets worse:

If you discuss the issue of homosexuality in class, discuss it respectfully. Be aware that someone in your class may be homosexual or related to someone who is homosexual, or have a friend who is homosexual.

If you discuss the issue of homosexuality in class, be aware that Texas law rejects homosexual marriage. Students can therefore maintain that homosexuality and heterosexuality are not moral equivalents, without being charged with "hate speech".

Aside from making me want to cover all of Texas with deadly VX gas (I know what you're thinking: "Glass or plastic?!" I hear you cry. Well, glass is probably more biodegradable), does the paragraph even make any sort of logical sense? Because Texas rejects gay marriage, you can say anything you like?

Surveys indicate that 3 to 10 percent of the population is gay. Opinions vary on why some people are straight, some are bisexual, and others are gay.

The idea that as many as three people in a class of thirty could be gay was obviously too controversial for a Texan class, so it was replaced with:

No one knows for sure why homosexuals, lesbians and bisexuals as a group are more prone to self-destructive behaviors like depression, illegal drug use, and suicide.

Well, if that's true (which I suspect isn't, to be honest), how about this for a stab in the dark: Because scum like you want to trample on their rights, harass them, assault them, and ideally, you'd like to see them wiped off the face of the planet? I know I'd certainly depressed if the ruling Government thought I was immoral and something to be stamped out.

And, if you'll excuse me for stooping to clichéd comparisons, it reminds me too much of this question from a 1930s German textbook:

A modern bomber can carry 1,800 incendiaries. How long is the path along which it can distribute those bombs if it drops a bomb every second at a speed of 250 kilometres and hour? How far apart are the craters?

Texas: You useless, cretinous morons.