Round 3: Once I Was A Wooden Boy

We’re back. With fancy formatting, no less.

Okay, tonight's debate is slightly different from the last two. Instead of the usual moderator and candidates, an audience of undecided voters will ask the questions, Now, you might be thinking: "how could anyone possibly be undecided at this point? How do these people manage to dress themselves in the morning?!" You might also entertain the thought of: "Gee, well this means that some real and incisive questions could be asked for once."

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

There's nothing like an election campaign to crush all the optimism out of a person.

Tonight's questions have all been submitted to a moderator for approval (I'm guessing that "how many kids did you kill today?" will probably not make it past this point), and the moderator will choose which members of the audience will deliver the questions.

"But surely," you ask, "can't they just say anything when given the microphone? It could still have an element of surprise!"

I refer you to my previous answer. According to the rules, if an audience member deviates from their script, the mike will be cut off, they will be taken outside, and stomped on with big hobnail boots.

So, really; it's not going to be all that different. But the candidates might get to move around, which means: Bush gets to be folksy!

The new Delgados album is lovely. I still haven't got around to listening to the Fatboy Slim one, though. I'll load it up on my CDs and take it on the plane, perhaps.

I imagine the original plan was for the Labor Department (their name, so their spelling) to release favourable job numbers this afternoon, and for the President to talk up the good that his tax cuts have done for the economy. Unfortunately, not only were 98,000 new jobs in September fewer than the 150,000 required per month to keep up with the increasing working population, but August's figures were also revised downwards by 20,000. So, erm, expect 9/11 and hurricanes to be brought up tonight to explain that.

Oh, and another thing to watch for tonight: I predict that Bush will state that he is against any idea of a draft. There's no evidence that the Republicans have even contemplated such a suicidal action, but it appears to be the most successful Democrat smear campaign in years; 51% of 18-29 year olds believe that Bush will reinstate the draft. He mentioned it last time, using the words "all-volunteer army", but I suspect he'll want to state it more forcefully tonight.

Off to Missouri then…

Kerry has really got that cheesy grin down well now, hasn't he?

The Bush opening: "HE'S WISHY-WASHY! BECAUSE HE IS!"

Oooh. "Why invade Iraq when there are other countries that were worse?" And the answer? Obviously, because 9/11 changed everything. And Oil-For-Food comes out into the fore. I'd still like to know whether the evidence about that comes from someone other than Ahmed Chalabi. Bush seems better tonight. He's still talking in complete sentences, anyway. Hahahaha, and the "global test" again. As well as having a go at the UN. But I think Kerry fought back well, pointing out the sanctions were imposed to prevent Saddam Hussein from having WMD, and hey, he didn't!

Bush is starting to sound clipped already. "wrong war, wrong time, wrong place" brought out yet again.

Oh, and Europe knows nothing about Israel. Another mention of The Hague. Is he afraid of ending up there, or something? Ha ha, "certain capitals" HE'S TALKING ABOUT PARIS AND THEIR FROG-EATING WAYS!

Please answer the question, Kerry, instead of talking about Iraq. Okay, I'm with you now. I always like a candidate who wants to eliminate nuclear weapons.

"That answer almost made me wanna scowl" DAMN THAT PEACENIK! oh, and through syntax issues, Bill Clinton was enriching uranium in North Korea.

The draft! "there's a rumour going around the internets" That Gore and his internets, fighting from the grave.

Wow. Bush just snapped at the moderator. I didn't actually see his demeanour when delivering his attack on Kerry, but it sounded uncontrolled and rather unhinged, to be honest.

Oooh, Bush is really trying to get into his normal rhythm now. Oh, and the Canadians are apparently going to try and give bad medicines to the Americans. That's why he's against cheap imports! Kerry is out swinging, attacking past decisions, past votes, and making a swipe at power, oil, and drug companies. And all Bush can come back with is "Clinton did it too!"

Government-sponsored healthcare is bad. So Tom, you're a bad bunny.

"You're batting 0 for 2!" BOO-YAH!

Bush: "I'm going to spend and spend and spend and spend. But Kerry can't fund his plan" Um, okay…

Bush blaming it on Clinton again. Damn, Bush, he's just had a heart bypass! That's cold, man!

OOO! ENRON DISS!

Bush is shrugging his shoulders. But Kerry got the laugh.

Bush is better tonight. Kerry is doing better though.

Heh, the environment. Does anybody even need to hear this? I'm surprised that Bush even bothered. And talking about clean skies was a mistake, given how much the administration has gutted the Clean Air Act.

“I’m going to be a President who believes in science.” HAH.

Those healthcare figures still scare me. 5m people without even basic healthcare.

Oh, Kerry made a dumb mistake there, giving Bush the opportunity to mock him "I own a timber company?"

Now, PATRIOT. Oh for crying out loud! The judges aren't allowed to turn down the warrants! Okay, after that response, I *heart* Kerry. Keep the good bits, chuck out the rest.

Stem cell research. Danger for Kerry. But neither is really engaging with the question. Bush is trying to sound all concerned. Kerry is all about the science, Bush keeps mentioning ethics. But that's it.

Now onto activist judges. It's really about the Supreme Court, but Bush is using to talk about "under God", and saying he wants strict constitutionalists; Kerry wants good judges. But you'll be pleased to know that Bush is against Dred Scott. Frankly, some of us were concerned. Of course, a strict constitutionalist may not have such a problem with Scott, saying as how the document itself makes reference to the differing voting rights of slaves and free persons.

Final two questions. Another abortion question. Kerry says that he can't impose his beliefs over the Constitution. Hehehe. Bush can't seem to understand it, or won't. Kerry explains just why he voted against partial-birth abortion, yet Bush just can't understand anything other than yes or no.

The final question: Name three of your mistakes Mr. Bush. Did you really think he was going to answer this?

Bush is much better when delivering statements like the one he's doing now, without the chance for rebuttal. Another 9/11 reference (oh, and it's not like you're actually implementing the Commission's proposals, so sod off).

A draw? Personally, again I think Kerry was better. But Bush, for the most part, didn't break down like last time, so he'll probably come off better this time.

Thanks to Tom for keeping me entertained during the night!

currently playing: 2004 2nd Presidential debate