The Screw And The Sun-Dried Tomatoes

Given that news broke this week that Adam Curtis has a new series coming out next month, it seemed appropriate to go back to what seems to be his first producer credit outside of That’s Life. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for a film about a day in the life of…Selfridges in 1983 (or more likely 1982).

Wait, come back! Yes, it doesn’t hit the tradition Curtis bingo spots (no Eno here), but it’s hilarious. There’s a terrifying harridan ruling the cosmetics counter, a hat-seller that admits he hates hats, a hairdresser segment that you wonder how it got broadcast, the man whose name is Morris but only answers to ‘Norman’ due to his love of and aspiration to be Norman Wisdom…easily the archive highlight of the week.

Hmm…anything else happen this week? Anything? It’s amazing how much space there is for everything when you don’t have the ravings of a wannabe Mad King spewing out into cyberspace and the airwaves. And that’s all we need to day about that.

Because other things happened this week! Let me tell you of one of those scary adventures. I was going to make a sandwich. I like sun-dried tomatoes on sandwiches. But sometimes, the oil in the jar solidifies in the fridge. No trouble, you just run it under the hot tap for a few minutes (it helps if you have my hot tap, which can actually sear skin off hands if you’re not careful). What can be a problem is if you idly set it down on top of the garbage disposal, only to find that it is a perfect fit for the hole.

What then followed was thirty minutes of panic, attempts to pull it up using tongs, spoons, knives, and forks. The end result was that I somehow managed to get it more stuck. I was somewhat resigned to having it stuck there forever, until somebody suggested an approach that both seemed over the top, but also maybe the only way I was ever going to get it out.

And thus, on Thursday lunchtime, I used a power drill to punch a screw into the top of a jar of sun-dried tomatoes.

It actually worked, though! I had it out within a few minutes once the screw was secured. However, I threw the jar away rather than risk metal shavings. So the end result was no sun-dried tomatoes and I was sad. Adventures in lockdown life.

One other thing…I have had this house for over three years now, even if I haven’t actually quite lived here that long. As of this weekend, it finally has curtains. The kitchen cabinets still don’t have drawer pulls, mind you…