The Loneliest Dalek
May 16, 2005 · 2 minute readINT: A School classroom. It’s the beginning of a new day; all the children are sitting patiently at their tables, as the teacher, Miss Keene, walks in.
MISS KEENE: Good morning children! CHILDREN: Good morning, Miss Keene! MISS KEENE: Now, children, we have a new member of class joining us today. (to the door) Come in! (A pepperpot-shaped object trundles in) MISS KEENE: Class, this is Derek. Say hello to Derek, class. CHILDREN: Hello, Derek! DEREK: HELLO-EARTH-CHILDREN! YOU-WILL-BE— MISS KEENE: Hush, Derek. We have to get on with class. DEREK: YES-MISS. I-WILL-OBEY. (Miss Keene looks around the class, spying an empty seat) MISS KEENE: Ah, Derek, why don't you sit next to Tom over there? DEREK: I-OBEY! (Derek trundles over to Tom's desk, crushing the empty chair) MISS KEENE: Now class, let us continue with algebra. Who can remember what x is in 2x + 5 = 11? (Derek sticks his plunger up) DEREK: I-KNOW! I-KNOW I-HAVE-THE-ANSWER! IT-IS-THREE-MISS-KEENE! MISS KEENE: Very good, Derek. (Derek's eyebulb glows) MISS KEENE: Okay. Now Beth, could you solve this problem for me....(voice trails off) (Tom pokes Derek) DEREK: OW! (Miss Keene looks around) MISS KEENE: Derek? Derek: TOM-POKED-ME-MISS-KEENE! MISS KEENE: Tom? TOM: Did not, Miss! MISS KEENE: Derek, don't tell lies. (turns back to Beth) (Derek glares at Tom, flashing his lights. Tom pokes him again) DEREK: MISS-KEENE! HE-POKED-ME-AGAIN! HE-MUST-BE-EXTERMINATED! MISS KEENE: I won't have that kind of talk in my classroom! Go stand outside, Derek! (Derek trundles out, eyestalk lowered) CUT TO: EXT. The school playground. Tom is holding a football, with a boy called Billy next to him. They're standing in front of a wall, picking out other boys from a line. TOM: Okay Billy, I'll have Peter, Richard, and Leo. BILLY: Jack, George, and Liam? You're with me. (The boys file over to the appropriate side. Derek's head revolves from side to side, realising that he's the last one against the wall) DEREK: WILL-NO-ONE-PICK-ME? (Tom and Billy exchange a look) TOM AND BILLY: WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE?!!?! (Derek trundles off, eyestalk lowered, to the tune of The Littlest Hobo in the background) This is just the sort of event that the BBFC is protecting us from. Remember kids, it's not nice to be cruel to Daleks!