Really, a UNIX without GNU is no UNIX at all. Especially if it has a harebrained license system built in as well. And given that it was bought two years ago, it's unforgivable that it feels like something out the early 1980s.

In my varied computing career, there has always been a machine that sits in the corner, shunned by everybody in the office, because nobody is really sure how to work it. Unfortunately, this machine also tends to be rather important. At my previous job, it was an OpenVMS server that handled the payroll for the entire university. My co-worked introduced it to me as "the machine we hope never goes wrong". By the time I had left, I had worked out how to do a manual backup, a restore, and basic troubleshooting. That made me the VMS expert. I was very afraid.

To sum up: I may have a very interesting 58 days ahead of me. As in 'may you live in interesting times'. Hold me.