Live 8's response to recent criticism: Stereophonics drafted in to play London. And if you don't pipe down, they'll do a Phil Collins with them…

Oh, goodness, and the zombified remains of Queen as well!

If we have a Spice Girls reunion, Geri is non-negotiable. All five, throwing evil glances at each other, and an evil Simon Fuller laughing maniacally in the background. We might as well get some entertainment from the night…because it's not going to come from Sting and Madonna's duet of Imagine (which may be the moment where the G8 will finally cave, if only to end the hideous nightmare).