I know you've been wanting it — a song where Cliff Richard does his spin on Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I give you — What Car? (available from all good newsagents, ahahahaha):

My daddy had a 68 Camero When I was sixteen he went out of town There were car keys sitting on the bureau Screaming out come take a drive around From here to Linda’s all the lights were yellow Even though she said we were through When she saw me in that red Camero All she said was let’s see what she’ll do What car, what girl, what tree, what curb What are you talking about I never left the house What keys, what crash, how dare you ask The car is gone – move on (Daddy you’d better move on)

Monday morning he was in the kitchen Asking if I had a tale to tell A certain red collectible was missing Sorry daddy that doesn’t ring a bell I was running late but I agreed to join him At the scene of the alleged theft But there’s an emptiness you can’t ignore Where the stain of oil is all that you have left

Even if they found the wreckage Even if they haul me in I’m sticking to the same old story Again and again and again and again

And for those of you desperate to hear it (think Shania Twain. *shudder*), the Internet comes to your rescue…