Last night, I discovered that there exists a version of Holding Back The Years as sung by The Frantic Elevators, Mick Hucknall's original punk band. Is it sick and wrong that I desperately want to hear this? Apparently, it sounds like The Fall covering Simply Red. It needs to be part of my record collection.

Anyway. The final debate. Breaking news of this evening:

Nevada does its best to remind everybody that you shouldn't pick on Florida all the time. And, Travis, I know you're not reading this, but still: do you really want to vote for a party that supports this sort of thing?

The Libertarian Party fails in its lawsuit to get its candidate in the debate tonight.

And, while I'm not going to link to it, The Smoking Gun manages to top the thought of Nicholas Soames' lips by printing a sexual harassment suit against Bill O'Reilly. And really, paragraph 81 tells you more than you ever needed to know. Trust me.

Music for this evening is supplied by Bruce Springsteen's Born In The U.S.A.. Because I've never listened to it before, and it seemed fitting.

I have a bad feeling about tonight. In the past two debates, Kerry managed to drive Bush to and beyond the point of annoyed by beating on Iraq. It seems to be the one subject that the President was accept no argument on, and he quickly becomes unhinged when pressed. Tonight is national issues only, so Kerry can't do that, and as we saw last week, Bush seems to be more confident when it comes to talking about America. We shall see…

Right, back to the first debate rules, or joint press conferences. And everybody is probably watching the Yankees- Red Sox game instead. Here we go…

First question to Kerry: "will we ever be safe and secure again?" Back to cargo holds, shipping containers, and alliances again. Bush: "we'll be safe when we spread liberty around the world". Hmm, another replay of the first debate, along with a gratuitous use of "freedom on the march!"

HAHAHAHAHA! We're being blamed for the flu vaccine shortage! Screw you and your alliance, Bush! Oh, and apparently, another reason is because the companies are afraid of being sued.

Hmm, Bush seems once more on his feet, and projecting…arrogance?

Our first mention of McCain! Go bipartisanship! Hah. Kerry talks about his plan, in almost quite specific terms, and Bush lists all the times he voted for tax rises. Stumbling over each one.

Mr. Bush! Clean your dribble! Kerry goes for a Sopranos joke. It even manages to raise a laugh from the audience. Now talking about outsourcing; I like how he admits how he can't stop it, but how he will make it more attractive for companies to stay in America. Kerry talks about many issues, and Bush can't understand it all.

Bush breaks the rules, stumbles, then drops into the standard "YOU'RE A LIBERAL!" spiel.

TOLERANCE AND RESPECT AND DIGNITY! AND I GET TO OVERWRITE THE CONSTITUTION WITH A CRAYON!

By the way. did we mention that Dick Cheney has a

GAY

daughter? I dislike the way how the Democrats handle themselves on this issue. But he's against the amendment, so it's better than the alternative. And Kerry handles the abortion question well once again, standing firmly behind Roe v. Wade.

And now onto health insurance. Exciting stuff. Bush's speech about bringing down the price of healthcare was terrible, stalling, talking about buggies and horses, and just sounding like somebody who shouldn't be there. Kerry calls him on a few points, but he's on the defence.

OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO INCREASE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON MEDICARE! THAT'S THE WHOLE GODDAMM POINT, YOU NUMBSKULL!

Privatising Social Security! That's a wonderful idea! Heh, and now Bush plays the bipartisan card. Bush has forgotten that today's workers pay the fund. But Kerry hasn't. HAHAHAHAHAHA. "We fixed it. And Bush broke it." But now they're just talking about taxes again. And once more with "It's Clinton's fault!"

And now, border crossings! Hmm, I think that Bush's talk of a temporary workers card probably won't go down well with some of his base. Oh dear, Kerry hops about the biometric bandwagon.

Kerry goes for raising the minimum wage. And kicks it out of the park. And Bush…talks about education. Umm, okay.

Bush avoids answering a question once more, and Kerry gets to say "I'll defend Roe v. Wade." More education stuff, and Kerry slams him down.

No draft! I can't be bothered to rehash this; Bush talks about the 'global test' yet again, removing all that unnecessary context. Pesky little thing that.

Bush really wanted to sign the assault weapons ban. Honest.

Ooh, affirmative action. Hah, and Bush mentions Pell Grants again, to try and deflect Kerry's earlier criticism. He looks very smug and satisfied when he stops talking.

Kerry handles the religion test okay, including a "love thy neighbour" attack on the other guy on stage. Bush now complains that the Democrats won't work with him, forgetting of course that the Republicans control the House, the Senate, and the Executive Branch. Hahahaaaha. And then slams down his hand lots of times.

How come Bush gets to finish last this time and last time? I can't remember back to the first debate. Anyway, Kerry gives a decent enough summing up, and Bush only trips up a few times.

Again, no meltdown, but again, Kerry seems like a person you can trust to look after a country, whereas you'd be wary of giving Bush the keys to your car…

Incidentally — there were no questions about education, or the environment tonight. You might have thought they would have been issues of national importance.

That's the end of the debates! Now only a short time until the actual voting. That might also be blogged, but I might succumb to the alcohol before the results start to come in, so don't rely on it!