It's Never Gonna Happen To Me Charlie's Angels ORG Records Released: March 1996 Highest UK Chart Position: Did Not Chart Available on: Greatest Hits Vol. 1

You'll have to bear with me. I know almost nothing about this band. I don't know any of their names, where they come from, or what they're doing now. I didn't even know they existed until two years ago, after reading a page on the Internet that now seems to have disappeared in the meantime. All I have is the short bio on the ORG Records website, and a copy of Greatest Hits Vol. 1.

It's enough.

From looking at the liner notes, and a little detective work, I can tell you that Charlie's Angels were a five-girl and one-token-boy band, who vanished, like so many others, after meeting Malcolm McLaren. However, before they were abducted by the alien-looking being, they managed to leave behind some great songs. It's Never Gonna Happen To Me never troubled the chart, but it has all you want in a pop song: handclaps, a "la-la-la" section, and fuzzy guitars played by girls. Think Kenickie, but without the Catholic angst.

The 28-track Greatest Hits Vol. 1 sounds like a fanzine etched onto CD. Little skits intermingle with full length songs, telling jokes, providing sixties-style intermissions, and even offering a recipe (for banoffi pie, in case you're wondering). You feel as if you should check the CD tray afterwards to see if glitter has leaked into the machine. But it's not all sugary-sweet; there's plenty of bite in songs such as Your Pretty Face and I Don't Want To Love You to offset the cute sections. Mind you, you can't say too many bad things about an album that samples Gary Barlow and PJ and Duncan. Oh, there's a murdering teddy bear lurking on the record as well. And a stomping dance track as the penultimate song on the album, keeping you guessing right up to the very end. It's a box of surprises; like sending off 50p and a Stamped Address Envelope and receiving an A5, hand-stapled labour of love in return.

ORG Records is currently selling this CD for a pound. Go to their website and buy a copy now. You need to hear this record at least once. If anybody out there has a copy of Perminant Damage, their single with 16 b-sides, please get in touch, as I'm desperate to hear it.