Return of The King: A Primer

Things you should probably know about Return of The King:

It begins in a way you least expect. The battles are as spectacular as usual, but there are a few bits of dodgy CGI. The elimination of Saruman is a bit of a blow, but the battles make you forget about all that. Those of you who feared that Arwen was going to swamp the trilogy will be happy, and those of you who wanted certain endings will be also. Minas Tirith looks incredible. It is as good, if not better than the first two films, although there's a few gaps which will no doubt be filled in when the 4+ hour version is released next year.

If you see this early in the day, you will have a group of annoying kids sitting in front of you, who will spend the entire length of the film talking/throwing sweets/jumping on bottles/listening to music on their personal stereos. A Special Place in Hell is reserved for these people. Oh, and Orlando Bloom has attracted a cheering section. There may also be people who wear elven cloaks.

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Best of 2003: Russian Ark

It's a 96-minute, continuous-take journey through the Russian State Hermitage Museum, where – oi! Come back! It's not what it sounds, it's not –. Okay, it's an incredibly pretentious film starring a 19th century French aristocrat travelling through over 200 years of Russian history whilst complaining about anything and everything. But it's so beautifully shot and choreographed that I think you need to see it, at least once.

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