This just in - US Postal Service to buy millions of potassium iodine tablets to protect postal workers against thyroid cancer in the event of a nuclear attack. I'm sure that'll help.
Okay, I accept that -8 might be a bit colder, but people making runs on supermarkets? It seems a bit of an overreaction.
10% off gun safes, according to Perry's Gun Shop. Extra discount for buying in bulk, apparently. The cute child in military fatigues adds a touch of class to the proceedings, I feel.
The roads might be a bit icy.
One for Dad - safety advice for Christmas. Make sure breakable decorations stay away from children. Excellent.
Look, the roads are going to be SLIPPY.
I understand the individual words the sport newscaster is saying, but they don't seem to be forming coherent sentences.
ICE WILL CRIPPLE YOUR CAR!
There has been a foreign news report, just in case you were wondering. Granted, it was about UN weapon inspections, but it's better than nothing.
Remember. The bridge ices before the road.
Shock! Cannabis isn't a gateway drug? But teens with tattoos should be considered at risk. There has to be something, I suppose.
BEST NEWS TRAILER EVER: 10:42 - Car in River.
Whitney Houston is going to tell us about her personal daemons. I'm going to rise above that straight line. Honest.
The horrors of Pet Separation Anxiety. And in other news, Mariah Carey has a new record out.
What's this? An editorial? Accusing the New Jersey Poet Laureate of being a racist? Well, if you must...
Off-topic aside: Where's Fairytale of New York, eh? Nice to see that the Popstars bands will be breaking new ground with their Christmas releases.
And the final thought? Drive carefully. It's going to be cold.
Not wishing to be overly critical, but I do miss the BBC...