On paper, it seems a great idea to stick 12,000 students in one place in order for them to bond. In practice, it normally only helps to depress the lonely students even more. The new people showing up are heavily outnumbered by the second, third, and fourth years, plus the returning graduate schools. As you walk down the shut-off South Street, all you can see is multiple groups of people, laughing and joking, as you drink your free bottle of water alone. However, at times, you get a glimpse at another solitary person, seemingly looking as miserable as you. For true Billy-No-Mates points, you must not speak to these people. Ever. To do so would disrupt the Universe itself.

The traditional method of overcoming this difficulty, favoured by eight of ten Manchester freshers, is to drink copious amounts of alcohol, babble incoherently for many hours, and awake with many new friends. But the block party is alcohol-free. Damn those Americans.

That's why I came back after an hour. The reason I'm going back out there now is that a probable evening of misery has to better than a guaranteed evening of misery sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I reserve the right to change my mind in the morning.