Let Us Take A Moment

To mourn the passing of btefnet: For over two years, the Internet’s quality venue for TV copyright infringement. For all those episodes of Buffy, 24, The Daily Show, and countless others, we salute you, btefnet. Remember, when we buy DVD box sets and watch programme that aren’t even transmitted here, we’re actually setting fire to the studios’ puppies. Or something.

currently playing: Sunday Runners – Info Your Head


I will fight anybody who thinks The Fast Show was lazy comedy. Anybody who includes a Ken Morse joke that is on screen for less than five seconds had to be paying some attention to what they were writing…

Anyway, thoughts on some TV shows! (yes, exciting, I know. If you’re American, most of this will make no sense. If you’re British, then you’ll just be bored. Hey, there’s a Cliff Richard track on here if you get really desperate)

  • Doctor Who

    Okay, we’re now over half-way through this series, so I’m now seeing some of the flaws. I’m still enjoying it, but a few things are starting to annoy me just a little. Firstly, I think the lack of cliffhangers hurts the series more than I originally imagined. There’s no room in the single episodes - they either concentrate on the plot and have the characters run through the required machinations, or they’re heavy characterisation pieces with a wafer-thin story. Secondly, the Doctor doesn’t really do very much, does he? In every episode bar one, the day has been saved by somebody else, perhaps with his cajoling, but in a passive role. I’d prefer a much more active Doctor. And finally, for all the talk of the Rose/Doctor Companion relationship being the most sophisticated portrayal yet, every time it comes up in the script, it’s handled embarrassingly badly (Russell Davies is actually the worst for this, although none of the writers have handled it all that well).

  • Dead Like Me

    I do want to like this series. And I do, a little. But the relentless death and misery gets to you after a while. Yes, it’s about a group of Grim Reapers, so I should expect death to come up a little, and it is really funny in places. But the sun is shining and I want something with a little more joy.

  • FAQ-U

    Haha. Just kidding. I saw the adverts, and realised that it was a delicious attempt to make The 11o’clock Show seem like a work of staggering genius. Does anybody else remember the real Channel 4? That was quite good from time to time?

  • Smallville

    No longer watching! Hurrah! No longer do I despair at the horrible writing, the idiotic plotting, the COMPLETELY INSANE IDEA OF HAVING LOIS LANE MEETING KENT BEFORE HE BECOMES A JOURNALIST, and, if I EVER, EVER see a piece of red kryptonite again, it will be too song (sue me, I’m something of a Superman fanboy. Catch my rant about how Tarantino is COMPLETELY wrong in Kill Bill, and you’ll hear my use of capital letters).

  • The Wire

    Sadly finished now (at least in the UK), but quite possibly the 2nd best police procedural TV series I’ve ever seen. I’m sure Baltimore is a nice place really…

  • Law & Order

    I’ve talked about this before, but it’s still brilliant, despite clinging to the formula like something brown and sticky (unlike many, I have never grown out of the stick joke. I apologise). Jack McCoy is a total monster, a D.A. that will bend (and break) all the rules to send somebody to prison. And if he can’t get the right verdict, he’ll either force a mistrial, or find some arcane bit of law that manages to get the last laugh. The show is a little let down at the moment by Elizabeth Röhm, who has less emotion and stage-presence than a Cyberman, but it’s good fun nonetheless.

  • House

    This is vicodin. It’s mine and you can’t have any.

    Hugh Laurie as an American doctor who hates patients and is smarter than everybody else in the room. And he knows it. Again, there’s a rigid formula in this show (patient comes in with disease, staff try different treatments to cure him or her, getting it wrong, but then finding the right one by the 35-minute mark), but Laurie makes every minute worth watching; snarling, bitterly sarcastic, and hobbling through the hospital, trying to find a big enough TV to watch General Hospital on.

Yes, so I watch too much TV.

currently playing: Saint Etienne – Teenage Winter

Further Apologies

This is probably going to be a slight week for posting, I’m afraid.

Two things:

  • Why isn’t there a book on Dexy’s Midnight Runners? Given some of the extraordinary tales of their early days (stealing their own master tapes, for example), writing a song that is legally required to be played at all weddings (see the Pop Act 1985, Part 1 Para 82), and Kevin Rowland playing Reading in a dress, you’d think there was a surfeit of material to write about. Someone get onto it!
  • Has it really been ten years since Catsuit City?

currently playing: Kenickie — Come Out 2Nite

In Lieu of An Actual Point


currently playing: Self Against City – Let You Go

Link Rocket!

I want, nay, I demand, a Bollywood remake of Knight Rider!

Do you get excited by barcodes?

Kitty Watch The Stars!

Who do I have to kill to get some of these?

It’s Google For Cocktails!

currently playing: Kraftwerk – Computer World

Go! Team!

The Go! Team, then. Enjoyable fun for all the family. And if Bottle Rocket isn’t a summer hit, then I’m going to sit in the corner and sulk…

We're The Young Ones

I know you’ve been wanting it — a song where Cliff Richard does his spin on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I give you — What Car? (available from all good newsagents, ahahahaha):

My daddy had a 68 Camero When I was sixteen he went out of town There were car keys sitting on the bureau Screaming out come take a drive around From here to Linda’s all the lights were yellow Even though she said we were through When she saw me in that red Camero All she said was let’s see what she’ll do What car, what girl, what tree, what curb What are you talking about I never left the house What keys, what crash, how dare you ask The car is gone – move on (Daddy you’d better move on)

Monday morning he was in the kitchen Asking if I had a tale to tell A certain red collectible was missing Sorry daddy that doesn’t ring a bell I was running late but I agreed to join him At the scene of the alleged theft But there’s an emptiness you can’t ignore Where the stain of oil is all that you have left

Even if they found the wreckage Even if they haul me in I’m sticking to the same old story Again and again and again and again

And for those of you desperate to hear it (think Shania Twain. shudder), the Internet comes to your rescue…

currently playing: Johnny Boy – You Are The Generation That Bought More Shoes And You Get What You Deserve

Public Announcement

Previously, the Best Image Ever was this:

Out with the old

However, the new Best Image Ever is now this:

In with the new

This is the Voice of Fate. Thank you for your time…

currently playing: Saint Etienne – Filthy


So, another first. Today, I sat in the dressing room of a concert venue, drunk some of a rider, and asked a band some questions. The Go! Team - a lovely bunch of people who were very nice to a newbie and were amused when I admitted that half of my questions were cribbed from old copies of Smash Hits…

currently playing: The Go! Team — Ladyflash

I said maybe!

Firstly, apropos of nothing, an article on Oasis by Paul Morley. I can’t say that I agree with all of it, but it’s amusing in places.

So, exit polls are suggesting that the Tories are going to do better than expecting, getting 209 seats in the new Parliament. Which should keep Howard in a job. Boo.

Dr. Liam Fox! Most punchable member of Parliament! Natalie Imbruglia? Good grief!

Despite everything, I still can't stand the sight of gleeful Tories…grrr…

A point where I get to wear my political hat once more - will this bring the West Lothian Question back into play?

Peter Snow has his toys out! He's playing Command & Conquer with Parilament. AWESOME.

Hmm. A couple of fairly safe Labour seats look to be wobbly. Dartford and one in Birmingham. GO SUNDERLAND! FASTEST COUNTERS IN THE WEST!

And the first result isssss…Sunderland South…Labour win with 17,982…which supposedly means that the exit polls are in fact too high…

Never let it be said that the BBC do dumb things with their money - they're painting a huge election picture in Gateshead! Eschewing all that CGI nonsense…they're going to paint a map. GENIUS.

Aww, it's Lizo from Newsround! He's all grown up!

Special attention must be lavished on Peter Snow's orange shirt. Simply wonderful!

BBC Election Party! Shoot Jon Culshaw. Please. Jeremy Paxman still with the withering sarcastic putdown.

Tap-tap-tap. Boring bit of election night, waiting for things to actually happen…but Ian Hislop is always entertaining.

Meanwhile, the Scottish correspondent is telling us that she knows very little. But is stretching it. A lot. And now it's the turn of the Welsh…

Sunderland North! Labour with 15,719. Change of 5% to Con. Eeek. 7% is into Hung Parliament areas…

7th safest Labour seat coming up - Houghton & Washington East. Again Labour vote falls, but still hold. Does it strike anybody as weird that Tony Blair might tonight become the most successful Labour leader ever, and yet still be branded as a failure?

Aww, Boris. So amusing. Amazingly, he manages to concede defeat in his first few sentences! And there's going to be a fight there if they're not careful!

Now looking at the Liberal Democrats' 'Decapitation Strategy'. It would be so funny if they managed to pull off some of these strikes (including David Davis, Oliver Letwin, and even Michael Howard himself).

Another Labour Hold, this time in Scotland. Swing of 4% to Lib Dem. The Lib Dems are looking to be doing quite well indeed…

"Steady on! It's Ken Clarke!"

Ooh, Kilroy-Silk will hopefully be smacked down hard…

Did David Dimbleby just say "ding-dong"?


And I'm going to be very annoyed at Galloway's victory. Yes, let's vote in a guy who visited Saddam Hussein, praised him, and flattered him. Piece of worthless scum…

Barnsley: Lab hold - swing of 4% to Conservative…Hull West & Hessle another Labour hold, 5% swing to Lib Dem. Although I don't think the swing really counts until we get into marginal seats really, and everything is a little topsy-turvy at the moment

Conservatives win Putney - gain from Labour. Swing of 6%. Uh oh.

Labour is going to get a big kicking…

Brown gets in, "we will listen and learn" And Jack Straw is back too...

Um, what if Tony Blair's threat about the Lib Dems was…actually right? Although they seem to be having a few problems.

The theme for tonight: NOBODY HAS A CLUE.

David Dimbleby has been on the rum. I think the election coverage would be much improved if all the pundits were drinking along with the results…another Lib Dem gain from Labour.

Peter Snow is going out on a limb! LD 59, C 201, L 357. Labour majority of 68. More Labour seats fall to the Lib Dems.

The first of the main LD strikes against the Tory leadership fails as Teresa May is re-elected.

Leader of BNP got 9% of vote…Labour's 5th safest seat falls to an independent. Nye Bevin's old seat, no less.

Perhaps it's the old Thatcher heartlands returning home. Seats are coming in thick and fast, but it's looking likely for a Labour majority slashed in half. Which is probably a good thing.

Sedgefield: Mr. Tony Blair, rather downcast, is re-elected. The Tories continue to pick off London seats…Blair looks old, tired, and grey. The greatest Labour leader in history. Battered and broken. The Lib Dems are overturning quite large Labour majorities, but aren't having any real success against the Tories. For instance - Manchester Withington - the Dems overturned a 33% Labour majority!

Iain Duncan-Smith: "We've made a start on returning" - nice one, maybe you'll be back in power in 2020. Plus a fantastic endorsement of Michael Howard - "I don't mind who's leader"

Looks like Galloway has won. *shoots self* Yes: THIS MAN:

is going to be a Member of Parliament. GRR.

Lib Dems strike out again - David Davis is re-elected. Stephen Twigg loses the old Portillo seat back to the Tories.

Labour needs 71 seats for a majority right now. The South-East is turning Blue again. However, it looks like the Tories are still not welcome in Scotland. And we're only blessed with one member of the Johnson family in Parliament, thank goodness, as Boris's dad fails in his election bid.

A 49% swing in Blaenau Gwent…wow. Don't annoy the Welsh.

So, does this mean that the Labour rebels are now rubbing their hands together? They're now strong enough to defeat the Government over ID Cards and Terrorism laws.

Charles Kennedy is back, baby! Letwin holds Dorset. Yes, Oliver, because the Government is going to have a majority of roughly 70, and has to worry about its own, rather than you lot across the floor. That's a stunning victory for the Tories.

Oh, is that a Scottish seat for the Tories? 25 seats to go.

Oooh, Erewash is about to declare. The Church of Militant Elvis Party! AWESOME! Robert Kilroy-Silk - 2,957 votes. Only just saving his deposit. Faith in Britain is partially restored. May he now disappear down a sewer…

Right, it looks like Folkestone is about to declare for Michael Howard, so it looks like he'll be staying. And I'll be going to bed, 14 short of a Labour majority, but another Labour Government guaranteed…

currently playing: Election 2005