Best News Story Ever.

The police think it was probably taken by kids or students, but there is also the idea that it could be heading to Edinburgh for the G8 protests.

Forget the Spice Girls! Let’s have a Timelords reunion for Live 8!

currently playing: The Clash – I’m So Bored With The U.S.A.

Pardon Me While I Warm Up My Futurephone

It’s not often that I get to come over all Warren Ellis (not enough goth camgirls or being a bitter, smoking, wise-cracking cynic with an optimistic heart, for a start), but just to announce to the world, or about ten people:

I will be attending LinuxTag 2005 on June 22 and 23, giving a talk on making DVDs with Linux at 1700 on the 23rd. There’s a book you can buy as well! But it’s in German. My final proof looks pretty, but they could have replaced all my text with traffic directions and I’d be none the wiser (unless they went over crossroads, as it’s one of the few German words I remember).

So yes. Me. Germany. Later this month. Stammering my way through a lecture. Woo-hoo!

currently playing: Sleater-Kinney – Steep Air

It's Too Late For Mama

They didn’t get there in time to stop the beginnings of Elvis from falling into the public’s hands, but it looks like the record companies are going to get their way in the UK, according to The Times. Ninety-year copyright terms, then, propping up the giants of the music industry, because fifty years of living off The Beatles has left them poor. Corporate Welfare is fun!

In other “I hate the music industry so much I want to feed it to woolly mammoths” news, EMI and Warners are sniffing after Sanctuary Records, the indie-label success of recent years. This makes no sense whatsoever; Sanctuary is mainly made up of bands that were dropped by the majors, so why bother buying them back? Are they just jealous of a small company making a success with the bands they considered also-rans?

Of course, we’ll know what’ll happen if Sanctuary is bought. There’ll be a brief fanfare of publicity about how the label will continue to be a showcase for bright musical talent. Behind the scenes, they’ll quietly knife the management, introduce a new regime that will put an end to the more esoteric output of the label, drop a few of the less well-performing bands, citing “amicable differences”, and then in five years’ time, the label will be little more than an EMI or Warner shell, at which point it will be wound up; the highest-selling bands moving to the major label, and all the others chucked out into the street.

Cynical? Me?

currently playing: Prefab Sprout – When The Angels

All-New Disturbing Tales of Superman!

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Girls: Don’t trust Jimmy Olsen.
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MY EYES! MY POOR, BEAUTIFUL EYES.

currently playing: Amerie – One Thing

The Jungle!

Watch out for tiggers!

Evey Evey Evey Evey Evey

You have to hand it to the Government. Not satisfied with one huge, highly-volatile database, the likes of which the world has never seen before, they want another one! Only this time, little black boxes in Britain’s 30m cars will be talking to satellites, keeping track of us wherever we go (unless, er, you drive a car that doesn’t have a box inside. I’m guessing that the Transport Secretary has a plan for that. Although I’m not optimistic).

Good evening, London. It’s nine o’clock and this is the Voice of Fate broadcasting on 275 and 285 metres in the medium wave.

Meanwhile, from the “juxtaposition that makes you laugh and despair at the same time”-department:

currently playing: Martina Topley Bird – Too Tough to Die

"I Know It's Out Of Fashion, And A Trifle Uncool"

No better soundtrack to this weekend, I think (This Is The Ice Age and Danseparc are also well worth tracking down, but sadly, all three are a little hard to find on CD, although at least they’re in print in the UK).

currently playing: Martha & The Muffins – Danceparc (Everyday It’s Tomorrow)

Yike!

Live 8’s response to recent criticism: Stereophonics drafted in to play London. And if you don’t pipe down, they’ll do a Phil Collins with them…

Oh, goodness, and the zombified remains of Queen as well!

If we have a Spice Girls reunion, Geri is non-negotiable. All five, throwing evil glances at each other, and an evil Simon Fuller laughing maniacally in the background. We might as well get some entertainment from the night…because it’s not going to come from Sting and Madonna’s duet of Imagine (which may be the moment where the G8 will finally cave, if only to end the hideous nightmare).

currently playing: Saint Etienne — Side Streets

Fold Your Links Child, And Walk Like A Peasant

Sasha Frere-Jones (a critic for the New Yorker) announces that he will no longer review music that is only available through listening sessions, and EMI announces that their secrecy protocols for the new Coldplay album have been so successful that X&Y only leaked a week before the UK release date. Before going on to say that they don’t think pre-release leaking harms music sales, but they’ll spend all the money on trying to prevent it anyway.

(Incidentally, how did EMI get to be so dependent on Coldplay, anyway? I remember buying Shiver five (six?) years ago, and thinking that it was okay for a Jeff Buckley impression, but nothing all that special. And now they’re the biggest band in Britain. Yes, my music prediction skills are almost as good as my political ones)

Everybody needs one of these! Secure that ice-cream, soldier!

I want this t-shirt.

The Japanese show, once again, that they are strange, freaky, and capable of making the most wonderful of toys.

The secret themes within Revenge of The Sith (warning: is completely nuts).

And finally, Jamie Hewlett’s comic adaptation of Pulp’s Common People!

currently playing: Nouvelle Vague – I Just Can’t Get Enough

Not Getting Off To A Good Start

I promise to be positive about something this week. But before that:

Live 8 Press Conference

Live 8. Sure, Bob, it has nothing to do with Live Aid. Completely different logos, for a start.

Live Aid logo

Oops.

So, then, the lineup. The French are punished for voting “no” on Sunday by having to face the twin evils of both Craig David and Jamiroquai (which seems harsh any way you look at it), and the rest of the line-up around the world looks just as uninspiring (Coldplay and Snow Patrol at the same venue? Aha, a game of spot the difference played before millions!). Anybody want to take bets on Sir Fabba Macca Thumbs Aloft McCartney performing a sing-a-long version of Let It Be? And what about people who don’t have a mobile phone? I realise that there’s only about five of us left in the country, but still, it hurts to be left out of the ticket lottery!

Ehh, maybe I’m being too hard. My original thought when hearing about this was that it was an obvious spoiler for the G8 protests in Scotland; keep the kiddies occupied while the leaders talk. But it’s clear that Ure and Geldof want Scotland protests. And in a big way. It just feels wrong, really, that here we are, twenty years later, and it’s the same names, trying to replicate an almost unique event. As if they’re trying to make up for the failures of Band Aid and Live Aid. And as if the leaders will listen. You can really see George Bush thinking “Muse are against poverty? Well, damn it, they’re my favourite neo-prog-rock-Britpop band! Dick, get me the Treasury on the phone, I’m gonna make a phone call…”

currently playing: ABC — All of My Heart