Eh?

Internet still not short of people with far too much time on their hands (these people need to read a few k-punk reviews, seriously).

currently playing: Gwen Stefani – What You Waiting For

*sniff*

cries uncontrollably

Is Raymond Briggs still alive? Because he needs a good slap…

currently playing: The National – Mr. November

My Music Shame

Glancing over at Sweeping The Nation’s UK Albums of 2005 poll, I have to confess:

I still haven’t heard Funeral.

currently playing: Saint Etienne – Stars Above Us

Dearly Departed

Well, 2006 is beginning with endings, sadly, and that’s before Unicron shows up to threaten the universe (it’s going to take me a while to get it out of my system, sorry). After almost six years, New York London Paris Munich is closing its doors. Together with its sort-of-half-cousin-through-an-illicit-affair site, I Love Music, it has kept me entertained and informed over the past half-decade, so I’m sad to see Tom close it down. But these things happen, and definite endings are better than drawn-out zombie deaths, I guess (please don’t mention Hobart Paving).

Anyway, 2006. Snobbery and decay. Yes!

currently playing: Act – Snobbery and Decay

2006: What To Expect

2006: A Guide!

tf2.jpg

tf3.jpg

tf4.jpg

tf5.jpg

tf6.jpg

tf7.jpg

(I’ve waited twenty years to use this flimsy gag. Humour me!)

currently playing: Stars – sleep tonight

2006: BOO!

cd:uk has been axed, apparently. Curse of Lauren strikes again…

currently playing: Lauren Laverne — Mexico

I Love 2005: Because Once Indie, Always Indie

Handsomeboy Technique — Your Blessings

That’ll be an album track on a Japan-only CD. I do have the first album, and yes, it is quite rare.

I know I said at the beginning that this round-up was in no particular order, but I did save my favourite until last. Ever since I heard it one July morning in Carrboro, I’ve been deeply in love with this song.

If I told you that the band seem to be a Japanese version of The Avalanches (it’s been, what, five years, lads? Get back to work!), it’ll probably give you a good idea as to what they sound like; lots of sound collage and blissed-out grooves. But oh, this.

I can feel a new expression on my face
I can feel a growing sensation every place

This song sounds like every crush you’ve ever had. Every time you’ve looked over at someone at a party, every time you’ve smiled a bit too long at somebody, or tripped over your tongue in a failed attempt not to embarrass yourself. That giddy rush when she smiles back, or when she says “hello” when walking down the street. It’s all here.

I wish I could tell you how much I care
every time that you, that you, that you…

It’s a song for hopeless cases, for winter nights that last into four in the morning, for mixtapes and hand-made books, and for giving yourself alcohol poisoning in an attempt to build up courage.

I can feel a new expression
every time that you that you, that you…

Hints of a Chic guitar, the British Dreambabes of the 1960s, synthesised strings, sprinklings of glitter, and those 1970s computer sounds building up into that explosion of a chorus. And than all over again. And again. And again. Then, just as you feel that the song is beginning to end, it comes back for one final time:

I wish I could tell you how much I care
every time that you, that you, that you…

Your cheeks flush red as the singer sings “I wish I could tell you how much I care” with a quiet desperation. You look over towards the other side of the room, and sigh as the song begins its stuttering conclusion.

It’s a song that I can’t listen to regularly, as it completely drains me. But when it crops up on random rotation, it gives me the sensation of a crush in a five-minute shot. Nothing else in 2005 even came close.

BONUS EXTRA LIFE! HYPER SONIC IMPROVEMENTS! ARTICLE POWER-UP!

Jackie Deshannon — When You Walk In The Room

This is the song that Your Blessings is based on. I think we can safely say that Handomeboy Technique’s version is much better…

currently playing: Handsomeboy Technique — Your Blessings

Political Advice

Tony Blair seems to be obsessed with the sanctity of his legacy. Well, if he wants to cement it into our hearts, there’s only one thing he has to do:

Sir Tim Westwood

currently playing: Art Of Noise – Moments in love (beaten)

I Love 2005: The Ones That Didn't Make It

Annie — Me Plus One

Last year, it seemed that 2005 was going to be Annie’s year. Not only did she have a sizeable following from the music blog set, she also came out very well in the Pitchfork / Stylus singles of the year polls. She looked unstoppable. As it turned out, though, 2005 was somewhat of a disappointment. Anniemal’s release kept on being put back and back (I think it actually made it to the shops in early 2005, only to be recalled shortly afterwards), her singles bounced around the lower reaches of the Top 40, and soon after the relative flop of her album, the Internet backlash inevitably began (led, in part, by Pitchfork! My how fickle indiekids can be, eh, readers? “Bah! You’re not popular now! I hate you - Annie is the Veronica Mars of pop, perhaps).

Which is a shame, as Anniemal is packed full of songs like Me Plus One; funny, bouncy, and full of vim. We need more songs with vim! Two other things: it’s probably one of the last songs that will invoke the cultural memory of Top of The Pops (and she’s not even British! Stupid BBC), and it’s a thinly-veiled attack on one Geri Space, by producer/writer/torturer of small kittens with curling irons Richard X.

You can find Anniemal sitting lonely and coy in most branches of HMV. And other fine retailers. Although not Lush, because that would be silly.

M.I.A. — Sunshowers

M.I.A. suffered from a similar problem, as by the time Arular finally made it out on both sides of the Atlantic, the backlash was in full swing (this time led by Simon Reynolds, who resented her art-school background and the appropriation of grime. None of which stopped him from praising Ari Up in Rip It Up And Start Again, but I guess music critics get reactionary as they get older). M.I.A. had controversy, being the daughter of a Tamil Tiger leader, and as a result got acres of coverage in the music press. All for nought; Arular tanked, her singles struggled to reach the Top 50, and even a Mercury Prize nomination couldn’t help. A pity, really, because Sunshowers is the best dance track about a suicide bomber in 2005. Yes, yes, it was probably the only one, but dammit, that’s not the point.

Rachel Stevens — I Said Never Again (But Here We Are)

If Annie showed that the blog scene isn’t strong enough yet to break acts, and M.I.A.’s fate revealed that the mainstream music press wasn’t all that useful either, then Rachel Stevens’s woeful year just goes to show that nobody has a clue. At all. Universally acclaimed by the Internet, the mainstream press, and buttressed by a plethora of TV appearances, Come And Get It should have been one of the pop successes of the year. It wasn’t. And it’s still unclear as to why; was it the release of the earlier weaker singles as opposed to this fantastic Mud-inspired (and written!) track? Her walkout on Dick & Dom (you would have thought her publicist might have mentioned the gunge)? Or just that today’s pop kids couldn’t bring up any enthusiasm for her? It’s a mystery. (Perhaps Toyah could help)

31/12/2005 EDIT NEWS! Rachel Stevens has supposedly been dropped from Polydor.

Robyn — Be Mine!

Aha! Wrong-footing you! This can’t be a flop, because it’s not even officially out yet! Hah! Mind you, Robyn (from Sweden) is already tipped to be 2006’s Annie (from Norway). Essentially, this is Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time played at double-speed on a cello. But hey! It’s really sad, complete with pouring rain! He gave her scarf away! That cad! That bounder!

currently playing: Strawberry Switchblade – Since Yesterday

Help Is On The Way!

Don’t worry, lads, I have a fully-functional credit card again!

(I already have this coming over shortly muahahahaha)

currently playing: tina tott – Take Away The Emptiness Too