ITN: Paedophila with Added Xenophobia!

ITN has morphed into the Brasseye Special. But I was particularly impressed when they pointed out that there’s 5,000 foreign teachers in the UK, and we only have the word of their countries that they’re not child molesters. Goodness knows what they’ll do when they work out that the age of consent in Canada is 14…

currently playing: Betty Boo – Let Me Take You There

What you gonna do-ooo?

Dear customer
Today Megastore.se has shipped the following products:

KING027CD JOHNNY BOY JOHNNY BOY CD 1

YEAH! YEAH!

SysAdmin 1, Cisco 837 0

I win this round, hated piece of hardware.

And guess what I found waiting for me when I got home?


DOIN’ THE DO!

currently playing: Johnny Boy – Fifteen Minutes

DEATH TO CISCO.

Seriously, if anybody knows the correct configuration for a Cisco 837 through a Demon ADSL connection, I’d be much obliged. It’s either that, or I take a chainsaw to the routers tomorrow.

But! In happier news! Nice of David Cameron to come over to our side too. It’s insane that the Government refuses to even talk about how much this is going to cost us.

A rhino transport!

God bless people who, on first getting a new Apple, decide to perform an autopsy, rather than, well, actually use it…

currently playing: Tommy february6 – Koi wa Nemuranai

Animal Crossing: January 15th

It’s been a weird few days since I last wrote. Drake invited himself over to my house last Friday. I think his eyes were a little blinded by the shiny robofloor I had installed earlier in the week.

Drake was more interested in suggesting that Pattie and Maelle should make out rather than any constructive advice about my house. I did find out that Alli is leaving because she broke up with Curly, though. I can see why that couple failed; she’s an alligator, and he’s a pig. It was always going to end in tears, or bacon.

I’m not entirely sure whether Margie was coming on to me when she said that one of her fantasies was to have me jump from a diving board into a giant baked alaska. Sometimes the inhabitants of this town frighten me.

I had my second visitor yesterday! Bik, from KKKanada. She came over to Nustram, met a few of the inhabitants, took some oranges, and then invited me back to her town! She has some ducks that she’s trying to hound out of town. I met one of them, Dermet, and I can see why. He’s a bit of a know-it-all. I had a look around, nought a few things from her shop, looked at one of my constellations which made the jump across towns, then sauntered back off to Nustram for bed, leaving thank-you letters in my wake.

I have a new housemate! She calls herself Bonnie, and she’s already paid 3,000 bells towards the mortgage. She’s got funny hair, but then I’ve been walking around with a moustache and monocle all day…

currently playing: Girls Aloud – Long Hot Summer

This Week's Most Played

Because I’m shamelessly stealing from Simon again, and also because I liked playing around with AppleScript so iTunes generates the list by one click of a button:

  1. Saturday Looks Good To Me – Girl Of Mine
  2. Stars – one more night
  3. The Go! Team – Bottle Rocket (Single Version)
  4. Stars – the first five times
  5. Placebo – Every You Every Me
  6. Girls Aloud – Biology
  7. Johnny Boy – Fifteen Minutes
  8. Johnny Boy – Livin’ In The City
  9. Lucky Soul – Lips Are Unhappy
  10. Sleater-Kinney – Jumpers

currently playing: Garbage – Why Do You Love Me?

No, Seriously.

My God, man! You think this is a good idea? There was a reason why Wilson didn’t trust MI5, you knowæ

currently playing: Goldfrapp – Let It Take You

300 Million Down The Drain

Fluxblog has one of the tracks from the Johnny Boy album up. Go Go Go!

(yeah! yeah!)

I don’t think I’m quite ready to talk about it yet.

(what you gonna do?)

YATGTBMSAYGWYD

(what you eat is what you are)

It’s only thirty minutes long.

(livin’ in the city!)

It doesn’t waste a second.

(Sixteen thousand Sony jukeboxes just tuned into rock and roll)

It’s Motown crossed with The Clash. Xenomania with C4 strapped to their chests.

(I’m not for sale so don’t show off your money)

Currently unavailable in the UK. Or anywhere in the world except for Sweden. See? Scandinavian socialism IS better than Thatcherism.

(walk back and I’ve got my boots on)

It’s Bonnie Parker’s 115th Dream.

(This is dedicated)

You’d better play the full deck.

(Johnny Boy, don’t mess these guys around)

currently playing: Johnny Boy – Johnny Boy Theme

It's Like Crack

I look in the mailbox to find a new letter from Margie. She’s sent me a screen door. Maybe she thinks I’ve been changing in front of her too often. Not something I can fit in my house at the moment, and Tom Nook’s shop is closed today for refurbishment. Typical, really, as I’m sure I would have been able to pay off my mortgage if he wasn’t closed.

I put the screen inside my snowman fridge for storage; I might send it to a villager in another town, sell it, or keep it for when I get another house. I write a thank-you letter for Margie, and head over to the post office to send it. On the way, I pass the snowman who gave me the fridge. He’s in a bad way now; he’s been getting smaller for days, but now he’s about the size of a tennis ball. But he’s still cheerful about life; I guess must snowmen know they’re not here for very long, so they enjoy life while they can.

On the way to the post office, I bump into Chow and Pattie. They’re having a rather nasty argument over fossils. Chow has been a pain ever since he moved into Nustram; I’ve sent him letters asking him to be nicer to the other animals, but he won’t stop being mean. I should do something about it.

After I’ve posted the letter to Margie, I have a look at the bulletin board outside. Apparently it’s La-Di-Dah day on Saturday, whatever that is (I ask Margie later, and she tells me that it’s a contest; all the residents of the town compose a new theme song for the town (it’s currently Blue Monday), and I have to choose which one I think is the best. Plenty of opportunity for new enemies there, then). There’s also a fishing contest on Sunday, which I think I’ll skip, as I haven’t got the hang of fishing just yet.

As Nook’s Cranny is closed, I wander over to the Able Sisters’s costume shop to see what new stock they have in. Chow snaps at Allie as she’s walking past. Grr. Looking aorund the new clothes, I find a hockey mask.

An evil plan forms in my head.

An hour later, I grab my net from my house, stick on my hockey mask, and go Chow-hunting. I chase him all over the town, whacking him over and over. I think he got the message. Either that, or he’ll move to another town soon.

But it’s getting late. A stranger has asked if she can visit later on, so I open the gates and watch the stars on the beach while I wait for her. My constellations drift by as the clouds disappear and the night sky turns blacker and blacker.

Animal Crossing: Wild World is the gaming equivalent of the scene at the end of Toy Story 2, where the Barbie turns her head to show Prospector Pete that her owner is an artist. It is rainbow-hued, it is cute, it is sweet, it is twee; to be blunt, it is effectively an electronic version of having tea with your cuddly toys (those of you who want to strip Barbies naked and subject them to torture and humilation will have to wait a little longer for your fix). It’s difficult to pin down just what makes the game so addictive; after all, it’s a free-form affair without much to do except for dig for fossils, visit shops (and pay off your mortgage - capitalism exists even in Nintendo world sadly), go fishing, or write letters. Yet you soon become attached to the characters that live in your town; sure, none of them are going to pass the Turing Test, but even with their rather simplistic thought processes, they seem quite real. You find yourself writing a letter to an elephant, thanking her for her present, and telling her not to worry about the mean old panda around the corner. Yes, really.

You can design your own clothes, and put them on display in the clothes shop. Characters will come in, buy your designs, and compliment you on your work. You can draw your own constellations in the sky, make up songs, and even create an emblem for the town (Nustram is currently using a 32x32 pixel replica of the Blue Monday 12” single). It’s like that Barbie Fashion Wheel you always used to see on TV.

But perhaps the greatest part about Animal Crossing: Wild World is the part I haven’t really explorered yet. The Nintendo DS has an 802.11b adapter hidden inside it, and Animal Crossing takes advantage of this by allowing you to visit other people’s towns. They may have different fruit there, different items in the shop, and of course, lots of different people living there. Actually getting to another town is a bit of a hassle (both users need the other’s friend code to cross over), but when you do, it’s magical - a whole new world of different characters to meet and greet. And yes, you can send them letters, and they might reply by sending mail right to your mailbox in your hometown.

At this point, the game becomes viral; your characters may fancy life in towns that you’ve visited, and yes, they’ll move to your friend’s town, and you might get new arrivials from towns you visit. They don’t forget you, though, and will often show their new user some of the letters you sent them. Your designs may travel from your shop to your friend’s town and spread out all across the towns connected via the Internet. It’s actually rather scary.

My name is St. John. I live in Nustram, and my friend code is 2448-7607-5318. Come visit!

Tonight, I’m going to pay off my mortgage and get a bigger house. Yeah! Yeah!

currently playing: Johnny Boy - Wall Street

YEAH! YEAH!

I’m almost afraid to listen to it.

Tell me what you gonna do!

Johnny Boy - You Are The Generation That Bought More Shoes And You Get What You Deserve (.zip of the album sitting on my USB key right now)