Look, I know you're upset about the recent surveys that indicate that college freshmen are switching to Macs in droves, but really, is this the best you can do?
You can't get a Mac that ships with a Blu-ray player, TV tuner, Memory Stick reader, or built-in 3G wireless. You can with PCs running Windows 7.Translation: Good, strong opening. Of course, you can buy most of these things separately, but definitely a valid point.
Most of the world's most popular computer games aren't available for Macs. And Macs can't connect to an Xbox 360. PCs are ready to play.Translation: NOBODY MENTION THE WII. WE WILL CRY.
Most Macs can't hook up to your TV unless you buy a converter dongle. Many PCs running Windows 7 are designed to connect directly to TVs, so you can watch movies and see photos on the big screen.Translation: Yeah, this is a bit weak. But it's just a throwaway - we've got plenty of material!
Things just don't work the same way on Macs if you're used to a PC. For example, the mouse works differently. And many of the shortcuts you're familiar with don't work the same way on a Mac.Translation: Yes, we are really trying to claim that switching to the friendliest GUI in the current era is going to be a struggle. You have to admire our brazenness. Now, go away…we're trying to put one more option onto the Start Menu for SP2…
Windows 7 was designed to make it simpler to do the tasks you do every day, with features that the Mac doesn't have. For example, the new Snap feature makes it easy to view two documents side by side.Translation: We're really hoping you don't squint at the non-sequitur here.
Unlike Macs, many PCs running Windows 7 support Touch, so you can browse online newspapers, flick through photo albums, and shuffle files and folders—using nothing but your fingers. PCs with a fingerprint reader even let you log in with just a swipe of your finger.Translation: Multitouch? Never heard of it, mate.
If you use Apple's productivity suite, sharing files with PC users can be tricky. Your documents might not look right and your spreadsheets might not calculate correctly.Translation: iLife can import Office files, but we suck at importing iLife ones.
You'll have to buy a separate hardware dongle to plug your Mac into a standard VGA projector. Most PCs with Windows 7 hook up easily.Translation: We're really fixated on this dongle thing. Say it with us: 'dongle'. Yeah, it's a strange word, isn't it? Buying a Mac will make you say 'dongle' in front of others! JUST SAY NO!
On a Mac, out of the box, you can only encrypt your home folder. With Windows 7 Ultimate, you can encrypt your entire hard drive and even USB drives. So your stuff can be safer wherever you go.Translation: Come to our pricing page where we'll charge you $220 for the privilege!
With a Mac, it's harder to set up secure sharing for your photos, music & movies, documents, and even printers with other computers on your home network. With HomeGroup, it's easy to connect all the computers in your house running Windows 7.Translation: "You can join a homegroup in any edition of Windows 7, but you can only create one in Home Premium, Professional, Ultimate, or Enterprise" It's easy! Just follow our wizard!
On a Mac, you have to manually set up photo sharing, manually set up music and movie sharing, manually set up file sharing, and manually set up printer sharing. It's easy to automatically and securely network with all the computers in your house when they're running Windows 7Translation: Just wait for the first zero-day exploit! [seriously, is ticking a box in iTunes that difficult?]
Apple's productivity suite file formats won't open in Microsoft Office on PCs. This can be a real hassle for Mac users sharing work documents with PC users.Translation: Somehow, this is Obama's fault, too.
If there's a Mac version of a program you need, you'll have to buy it again and relearn how to use it on a Mac.Translation: If anybody mentions Final Cut, we're revoking your Windows 7 Ultimate Enterprise Professional key.
You can't get a Mac with a Blu-ray player, TV tuner, Memory Stick reader, or built-in 3G wireless. PCs running Windows 7 often come with features that aren't available on even the highest end Macs, including Blu-ray, eSATA, multi-format card readers, Touch, and mobile broadband.Translation: Sometimes, they even work! [I can seem to buy eSATA cards for the Mac Pro, and every Apple laptop comes with a multitouch device, but I may be missing something here]
Macs only come in white or silver. PCs are available in a full spectrum of colors across a range of price points.Translation: Seriously, we're desperate. Did you know you have to get a dongle to plug them into a projector? DID YOU?
With PCs running Windows 7, you can play the videos and music stored on your home PC while you're on the go, for free. Apple charges $99/year for its online service.Translation: Apple's online service doesn't let you play music or video either, come to think of it. We should probably have mentioned that. Did we mention the dongle thing yet?